A Time I was Scared and Stressed

Lucy on stage, stressed, in her 20's

I was walking to the podium, staring at hundreds of faces in the audience. As the applause quieted down, I started reciting the Chinese poem, but suddenly I stopped after the first paragraph. My mind went blank. My heart was pounding. I felt thirsty, nauseous, and suffocated. The air froze. I thought I was going to die. I was 20 years old.

It was my sophomore year in college in Beijing, and I was performing on stage, celebrating the Mid-Autumn festival, the second-largest holiday in China. It was the first time that I had performed in front of hundreds of students. I hadn’t slept well for three nights leading up to the performance. The poem was a simple one with just four paragraphs, taking about three to four minutes to recite. It did not take me long to memorize it, but I lost sleep because I was terrified of forgetting the lines. I did not know any techniques to help relieve stress at that time. Little did I know that one day I would become an expert in teaching people how to overcome fears and manage stress.

Last month, I traveled to Paris to watch my friend Hannah Chadwick compete at the Paralympics. She was a blind orphan in China and adopted by her American parents Pat and Steve, 20 years ago. You can read her story at Chapter 6 of my book, Build Resilience: Live, Learn, and Lead. While cheering from the audience, I couldn’t help but notice the immense stress that each of the athletes faced. I prayed that she would stay focused and not be distracted by anything.

In the second event, Hannah competed in the Women’s B 3000m race. I could feel the tense atmosphere surrounding the athletes, judges, staff, and audience. I finally relaxed after Hannah’s race. The last round featured the French and British teams. Once the start bell buzzed, the two teams dashed off as the audience cheered loudly. Suddenly, a sharp, loud buzz rang through the stadium, and both teams slowed down and stopped. The cheer turned into murmurs of confusion. “What’s going on?” People asked each other. Finally, someone near me, with good eyesight or knowledge of the rules, shared that the French team had claimed an equipment failure. The judges inspected the equipment and discussed the next steps. The replay on the big screens showed that the French team members shaking their arms in the first few seconds. There seemed to be something wrong with the bicycles. Since I was sitting among British fans, people around me suspected that the French team might be given another chance, which seemed unfair to the British team. They questioned why the British team couldn’t just continue.

Five-ten minutes later, the judge made the decision of disqualifying the French team because the bicycle had not malfunctioned. “Poor French team”, everyone sighed, was curious why they appeared shaking if it was not due to the equipment malfunctioning. I thought that it must have been related to the pressure and stress the athletes were experiencing. When you are under tense pressure, your body may shake due to the stress and anxiety. What a game!

Hannah Chadwick and Skyler Espinoza, competing at Paralympics 2024, Paris; Lucy’s watching in audience

Later on, Hannah shared that a similar thing had happened to her — she had thrown up right before the 1000 m race. You can imagine the stress level was so high that the body responded this way. These are top athletes in the world competing in the Paralympics and they are supposed to have strong and resilient minds and bodies, yet even they can experience such intense physical reactions. According to PsychCentral, “when anxiety is extreme or you have a panic attack, nausea can become so intense that you vomit or dry heave.”

Mayo Clinic reports stress symptoms include the following:

• Upset stomach

• Headaches

• Exhaustion and difficulty sleeping

• Restlessness and difficulty focusing

• Weakened immune system

• Increased risk of anxiety disorder and depression

Stress harms our health in the long term. That’s why we need to manage stress to live a healthy life and successful life. Stress management helps us focus, perform our best, and relax our body and mind. Here are several strategies that help me under immense stress.

1. Before the high-pressure event.

• Prepare and rehearse thoroughly to build confidence.

• Meditate daily to clear negative thoughts.

• Talk to close friends about the event and seek help.

2. On the day of the event and right before it.

• Visualize each step with a smile.

• Speak to the mirror “I am confident. I am successful. I am in control.”

• Extend your arms high and stand tall.

3. During the event.

• Focus on the material rather than the large audience.

• Smile, both outwardly and inwardly.

• Breathe deeply and slowly during challenging moments, such as forgetting a line or facing a negative reaction from the audience.

I learned these techniques from my own experiences and reading. I have used these techniques in my presentations, business meetings, toastmasters contests, and PTA board meetings. They have helped me show up confidently and calmly. At work, I succeeded and became a risk management executive. In my community, I delivered excellent speeches and influenced people. As a coach, I have shared these techniques with many people to help them build resilience, with stress management being a key component. I wish more people would learn these simple steps.

So, what happened to me that night when I recited the Chinese poem? Of course, I did not die. I froze on the stage, sweating while people stared at me with pity. After a long pause, I skipped the second paragraph and jumped to the third because I had lost my train of thought. After the third paragraph, I remembered the second, so I recited it before finishing with the fourth. I put a smile on my face and bowed to the audience, who applauded as I walked off stage. “Whew!” My friend later praised me: “I saw you pause, and I was worried you’d cry and wouldn’t be able to finish… But you picked it up and did great! I’m so proud of you.” I asked, “Did you notice I switched the paragraphs?” She looked surprised: “You did? No one could tell. Good job!” I smiled and proudly shared the deep breathing technique that helped me through it.

Lucy laughing, joyfully and confidently, in her 20's

Life is stressful. But, we can all learn techniques to relieve stress. Stress doesn’t have to be scary when we become more knowledgeable and empowered. What’s truly scary is to stop learning and let fear and stress control your life.

Dear friends, are you ready to live a healthy and successful life? It’s time to look at the mirror, open your arms, and say “I am confident. I am successful. I am in control.” And don’t forget to thank the friends and family who support you. Gratitude is a powerful tool.

Can Money Bring Happiness?

Money as the Root of All Evil

“Can money bring happiness?” If you had asked me this question when I was younger, my answer would have been an unequivocal no. In fact, I might have even said, “Money is evil.”

As a child, I learned that money was the root of all sins. The movies I watched often portrayed the wealthy as greedy, merciless figures who exploited the poor. They lent money at exorbitant interest rates and ran sweatshops with no concern for their workers’ well-being. Yet, despite these negative portrayals, money was necessary for survival.

The Value of Small Luxuries

Growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, my family, like most others around us in China, had very little. Our home was sparsely furnished — just beds, a table for eating and studying, a few chairs, and a bookshelf. My mom had to sell her cherished violin to buy a baby bed for my older brother when he was born. She hoped she could replace it once she earned more money, but that dream quietly faded as she prioritized her children’s needs over her own desires.

We didn’t even have a clothes cabinet until a relative made one for us, and we cherished it as a precious item. Protein sources like eggs were a treat; pork was reserved for once-a-week meals, and good quality meat was only available during festivals due to rationing. I still remember how my mother would cook an egg each for my brother and me every morning, but she would skip hers to save money. Only later did I realize we had been eating her share all along.

If we had more money, we could have bought more food and better furniture and my mom could have bought a new violin. That would have been happiness, right?

I remember a time when my mother’s colleague borrowed 100 Yuan from her — a significant amount, as it was her reward for research achievements. He never returned it, explaining that he was in a tight financial situation. Despite this, my mother never held a grudge. I once asked her, “Why don’t you ask for the money back?” She simply said, “He has a family to take care of. We’re doing okay.” To her, happiness was a choice, not something tied to money.

This left me confused, and I often wondered how money could be both so necessary and so seemingly inconsequential at the same time.

The Financial Struggles of an Immigrant

In 1994, I came to America to pursue my dream of earning an advanced degree at UCLA. Again, money was an obstacle. Compared to many of my friends from China, I was fortunate — my family could afford my plane ticket and some initial expenses. But the steep tuition made me hesitate. That summer, I worked at a Chinese restaurant to save money, earning mostly from tips. My fellow waiters were Chinese immigrants, some of whom had been in the U.S. for a decade, saving every penny to support their families back home. I still remember one man in particular. He was meticulous about dividing tips, counting every penny. While others found his behavior amusing, I understood his dedication. He had sacrificed visits to his family to save money. For him, money could indeed buy happiness in the form of a reunion with loved ones.

Money and American Dream

In 2000, my husband and I got married, and we combined our savings into a modest $50,000 — $30,000 from him, $20,000 from me. I remember telling him, “We’re rich!” We were content. Our wedding was simple, with just 20 guests, and we chose a budget hotel for our honeymoon, preferring to save for the future. “Let’s save for a rainy day,” we often said, echoing the Chinese belief in preparing for uncertainties.

Despite having some money, we chose not to spend much, and we were happy. It taught us that happiness isn’t necessarily tied to wealth.

Then, at the end of 2001, we bought our first house. With a second child on the way, we needed a bigger home for our growing family. The house cost $400,000 — $100,000 more than the previous year. We regretted not buying earlier, but at that time, we didn’t have enough for a down payment. After finally paying the 20% down payment, our bank account was nearly empty. We didn’t have enough money to buy new furniture or curtains. I remember saying to my husband, “Let’s just stick with our old furniture for now.” We even decided to install the blinds ourselves instead of paying the $800 installation fee to Home Depot. That saving of $800 made us happy.

Moving into our new home, watching our one-year old daughter run around, we felt that our American dream had come true. I often wondered, “Would we have been happier with an extra $5,000 to buy new furniture?” Perhaps, but I wasn’t sure.

Raising Frugal Children

Our children have learned to be frugal, a value we’ve instilled in them from an early age. I recall a time when my sixteen-year old daughter, who was on a summer exchange program in Spain, called me about her broken sandal.

“Mom, my sandal’s clip is broken,” she said, her voice tinged with frustration.

“Buy a new pair,” I replied, thinking it would be the simplest solution.

“But it’s too expensive — over 80 Euros for a plain pair!” she protested.

I chuckled and said, “Poor family, rich road（穷家富路）. Don’t be too stingy. Use my credit card — it’s on me.”

There was a pause on the other end, and then she said, “Are you sure, Mom? It just feels like a waste for something so simple.”

I could sense her hesitation, so I reassured her, “Yes, I’m sure. But remember, it’s up to you. If you think it’s worth fixing, that’s fine too.”

The next day, I texted her, asking what she had decided. When she didn’t respond immediately, I wondered if she had gone ahead and bought the new sandals. Later, she sent me a picture of her old sandals with a circle around the repaired clip.

“Look! I fixed it with stitches,” she texted, adding a smiley face.

“You sewed it yourself?” I asked, impressed.

“Yep. I bought a needle and thread from a convenience store. It only cost 1 Euro,” she replied, her pride evident. “I didn’t know how to say it in Spanish, so I had to look up the words before asking the sales clerk.”

I could almost hear her giggling as she continued, “I’m so glad I didn’t spend the 80 Euros!”

Her resourcefulness made her happy, and it made me proud.

She had the money but chose not to spend it. Those sandals lasted her two more summers, and she was proud of her choice.

If you ask me whether money can buy happiness, I’d say the two aren’t directly related. In some situations, money can buy happiness, but only if spent wisely. True happiness comes from within. For me, happiness is seeing my children embrace our family values — knowing the difference between needs and wants, and choosing to be frugal.

Money CAN Bring Happiness.

As a coach, I guide people in pursuing their dreams, whether in career advancement or life happiness. Many of my clients struggle with money, seeing it as both the key to success and their biggest obstacle. In my coaching, I emphasize the importance of using money wisely — whether through careful budgeting, smart investments, or creating wealth for their families. I chose to write this article to address the complex relationship between wealth and happiness because money is indeed a significant part of success and the American dream. When managed properly, money can bring feelings of safety, freedom, fulfillment, and abundance. It isn’t inherently evil — as long as it’s spent and invested smartly.

Yes, money could have bought my mom a new violin, but instead, she chose to sing and find joy through her voice. She immersed herself in the happiness of watching us grow, realizing that true contentment came from within, not from wealth. For her, happiness wasn’t something money could buy — it was something she nurtured from within.

I watched my parents donate to their favorite charities, and I do the same, with my children now watching and learning from me. Giving away money can indeed create happiness. So, if you ask me if money can bring happiness, in this case, yes, it can.

Now, after 30 years of living in the U.S., I’ve achieved financial independence and have dedicated myself to coaching others on pursuit success and effective money management. I’ve learned that money can bring happiness, especially when it’s used to support meaningful causes through donations and volunteering. Additionally, I’ve realized that financial independence allows me to pursue my passions, hobbies, and interests without restraint. I’m excited to share my journey to financial independence at the age of 50, and I invite you to join me in my next article in September where I’ll delve deeper into this topic. Let me know if you’d like to hear more!

Unseen Triumph: A Journey to Olympics

Imagine this: a little blind girl growing up between a foster home and an orphanage in 1990s-2000s China. Her biological parents were undocumented, and due to her disability, she had no access to viable education. Her adoption prospects diminished as she grew older. Fate seemed not to be on her side.

Fortunately, at the age of twelve, she was adopted by an American couple and moved to the United States. She knew this move would change her life forever. Little did she know she was entering a completely different world, beginning a journey to pursue dreams she had never imagined. The beginning was hard. She didn’t speak English and had limited proficiency in Chinese due to her lack of formal education. Additionally, she had to learn braille and adapt to a new environment in Arcata, California, with her parents and sister.

Her name is Hannah Chadwick. She embodies the saying, “Bad times create strong people. Strong people create good times.” — Tony Robbins. She quickly adapted to her new environment.

In my book (Build Resilience), I wrote about Hannah’s story, her upbringing, and her loving family, particularly her parents, who poured their hearts into raising her. Here’s an excerpt: “In 2004, Pat and Steve adopted another girl, Hannah, who was legally blind. She was twelve years old and living in the same orphanage as Rosa. Again, I was surprised, especially since I had two daughters of my own, four and two years old. I was working full-time and exhausted from taking care of them when I came home each day. I could not imagine the difficulties of raising two disabled children. If there was already a good deal of work involved with raising Rosa, whose one eye needed extra attention, I could hardly imagine the additional work required for bringing up Hannah arriving in a strange country at the age of twelve and completely blind. I had no words to describe my mixed feelings for my dear friend Pat.”

Then, I shifted focus to Hannah’s dreams and passions:

“After her adoption by Pat and Steve in 1994, Hannah graduated from UC Davis with a double major in International Relations and Chinese. She is working as the marketing operations associate at Disability:IN, while training for cycling to compete internationally. Hannah is a member of Team USA. At the August 2023 International Cycling Competition in Scotland, Hannah, along with her tandem cycling partner, won the bronze medal in the 1000m sprint. The previous year, at the 2022 Para-Cycling Track World Championship in France, she won sixth in the kilo and fifth in the 200m sprint. From an orphan from China to a US national champion, what an amazing journey she’s taken. Her biggest dream now is the Olympics in Paris in 2024 and in Los Angeles in 2028. She’s such an unstoppable young woman with a big dream in her heart.”

Is her dream of going to the Olympics coming true? Yes! “Hannah has been selected for Team USA to compete in Paralympic cycling in Paris!” I could not contain my excitement when I shared the news with family and friends. (Read the official announcement from the U.S. Paralympics Cycling Team, Tingley tandem team of Chadwick and Espinoza added to 2024 Paralympic Games roster.) My close friends all know who Hannah is. I’m fortunate to be the first published author to feature her remarkable story.

We were astonished by her fluency in English six months after her adoption, almost like a native speaker, despite not knowing the language when she first arrived. Beyond her sharp ears, it was her determination and efforts in studying English and understanding the culture that helped her adapt successfully. After high school, she was accepted into UC Davis, where she studied, lived on campus independently, and traveled to various places around the world, including China. Given her incredible strength and resilience, it’s no surprise to me that Hannah is now heading to the Olympics. She is one of the strongest people I have ever met.

What made her successful?

First, she had loving parents, Pat and Steve, who devoted themselves to raising her. She also had a little sister, Rosa, who was adopted from the same orphanage. This loving family is her foundation to soar higher and higher.

Second, she’s incredibly resilient. As I mentioned in my book, seven principles of building resilience. She lives a life embodying all seven principles. Alongside her dreams and goals that fueled her forward, she’s been confident and independent from the beginning. She knew how to cultivate and nurture herself. Moreover, she’s a grateful person. When I interviewed her, she expressed deep appreciation for the support and encouragement she received from friends, teammates, coaches, and others.

Third, she’s closely connected with her community. From the disability community to sports teams to Chinese friends, she receives and gives love generously. She works as a marketing associate at Disability:IN, helping people from diverse backgrounds.

Hannah, an adopted girl with a disability, reaching the Olympics is a historic achievement. Her story is a testament to resilience, optimism, and perseverance.

I will be cheering for you from afar, Hannah. You are my hero in “Unseen Triumph: A Journey to the Olympics.” You are already a champion in my eyes. You represent the strength and determination of Asian Americans, immigrants, and individuals with disabilities. Best wishes for your competition, Hannah!

Hannah Chadwick and Skyler Espinoza celebrate after winning Parapan American Games gold in Santiago, Chile. (Photo by Santiago 2023)

A Father's Legacy and His Leadership

Zong Zi made by my youngest daughter

“I want to learn how to make Zong Zi 粽子!” said my youngest daughter eagerly.

It was June 8th, a Sunday, just a day before the Dragon Boat Festival. In our Chinese tradition, we celebrate this festival by eating Zong Zi, sticky rice wrapped in banana leaves. It’s such a delicious treat.

“Alright, but wash your hands first.” I was midway through making my first Zong Zi of the day. I slowed my fingers and carefully unfolded the banana leaves so she could see the wrapping process.

“Wash hands — that’s what LaoYe used to remind me to do before meals,” she said with a smile.

LaoYe 姥爷 means maternal grandfather. That’s my dad. He always reminded me to wash my hands when I was little, and later, he reminded my children. I realized Father’s Day was just six days away. Making Zong Zi also reminded me of making dumplings with my dad. Both were his favorite food. I developed a love for cooking thanks to my dad’s enthusiastic praise and his passion for food.

This would be the third Father’s Day without my dad. He passed away in January 2022, making that year’s Father’s Day especially hard for me. I wept uncontrollably several times. Last year was a bit easier, partly because I was deeply engrossed in revising my book, Build Resilience. The work, which my father would have been proud of, is dedicated to him.

The first chapter after the introduction is titled “My Father’s Story.” Despite pouring so much into his stories, it still feels like not enough to express my love and gratitude for the person who influenced me the most. There are countless lessons he taught me that couldn’t fit into a whole book, let alone a single chapter.

Because of my book, people around me know that I learned resilience from my parents. They often ask if building resilience is crucial only for individuals or if it also applies to organizations. It’s a great question. While I teach individuals to become more resilient, I am also developing a course to help organizations build resilience in times of uncertainty and technological advancement. A resilient company relies on resilient leaders.

Speaking of leadership, my father exemplified the qualities of a resilient leader, both at home and in his career.

Firstly, he was a servant leader. He helped my mom around the house whenever he was home, despite frequent business trips. He was excellent at fixing things — power sockets, broken drawers, bikes. Watching him work was fascinating, and he encouraged me to join in, never believing that being a girl should limit what I could do. He even led us in cleaning the house, making it fun. He never complained about my mom’s cooking skills. During Chinese New Year celebrations, Dad would lead us in making dumplings. Most years, we celebrated without him due to his work, but I remember the few times he was home and how he diligently washed and chopped cabbages.

His servant leadership extended beyond our home to his workplace. His colleagues admired his willingness to take on tough projects and help others. At the peak of his career, he led a large team yet remained humble, always doing extra work and setting a strong example.

As a servant leader, he prioritized the needs of the team, fostering a supportive environment. The mindset helped him build strong, trust-based relationships.

Secondly, he taught me to be creative and innovative when facing challenges. I can’t count how many times I felt like giving up, but Dad always encouraged me to explore solutions. As a physics researcher, he encountered numerous obstacles and loved sharing new ideas and inventions with us at dinner. One memorable story involved using insects to help strawberries grow without fertilizers or pesticides.

“There are always failures in research. Keep experimenting, and you’ll find solutions,” he often said. “Research is like life — trial and error. Innovation comes from countless failures.”

Dad loved learning new things and believed it expanded one’s vision and fostered innovation. He enjoyed visiting museums, especially those focused on aerospace. He applied his innovative ideas at work, achieving significant milestones. He viewed obstacles as opportunities for growth and improvement. He believed in continuous improvement and learning.

Dad and Mom enjoyed studying and reading together.

Thirdly, he was an empathetic person and leader. His wisdom and kindness earned him admiration. He genuinely cared about those around him. Dad was a distinguished researcher in metallurgy physics and low-temperature superconductivity, and he spent considerable time advising and teaching others patiently.

Later, as head of human resources in his organization, he managed numerous responsibilities, including developing recruiting policies, enhancing training programs, and overseeing performance evaluations. He often welcomed team members into our home. I recall one instance where he worked late into the night to help a talented young man with an urgent relocation request for his wife.

Even in his seventies and eighties, despite health issues, he continued to help his neighbors in his senior apartment, translating for those who didn’t know English well and assisting with pharmacy calls.

His empathy stemmed from a deep sense of love. I can’t emphasize enough how much I learned from him. The greatest lesson he taught me was the power of love.

Handmade face masks crafted with love by my sister-in-law, my dad, and my mom at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, when face masks were in short supply. Many of these masks were donated to hospitals and fire departments.

A Journey of Love and Resilience: Caring for My Mother

“Mom, how do you clean LaoLao’s teeth?” my eldest daughter asked.

“LaoLao” （姥姥）means maternal grandmother in Mandarin Chinese.

“I gave up last month,” I replied with a sigh. “She wouldn’t cooperate…”

“How about using oral swabs?” She thought for a moment and then showed me a picture on her phone.

The next day, she started cleaning my mom’s teeth with oral swabs. I felt a sense of relief; with her help, caring for Mom felt a bit easier, both physically and mentally.

Last month, when my eldest daughter came home from school, she immediately joined me in taking care of Mom because Mom’s caregiver was on vacation. With her medical knowledge, she showed me the correct angle for Mom to sit when we fed her and reminded me to slow down while feeding her.

Since February, Mom has been in hospice due to her deteriorating health. She can no longer walk or stand and doesn’t recognize anyone except me, her caregivers, and my brother. She needs 24/7 care and has become completely dependent.

Oral swabs suggested by my eldest daughter.

Mom’s Dementia

Mom was an orphan, losing both parents during WWII in China. She survived wars, starvation, and illness. Despite only having no more than two years of elementary education, she excelled academically in middle and high school. Later, she attended a prestigious university in China to study physics and became an outstanding research scientist specializing in metallurgical physics. From her, I learned optimism and resilience in difficult times.

She used to be strong, smart, and independent. It’s hard to imagine that she lost all her abilities after developing dementia. Over the past ten years, she gradually became dependent on me, and the strong, intelligent figure I once knew slowly faded away.

Two years ago, Dad passed away. Mom and Dad had cherished and supported each other for over fifty years. I thought Dad’s passing would devastate Mom, but to my surprise, she forgot him after a few days. I was distraught.

“How could you forget someone who loved you so much?” I asked myself.

During Dad’s last days, I accompanied Mom to visit him in the hospital. Dad always urged us to take good care of her and not let her get lost. He loved her deeply and worried she would suffer without him.

My friends say it’s a blessing that Mom forgot Dad; otherwise, she would have been heartbroken.

In the past two years, Mom’s memory has deteriorated significantly. She has more nightmares and hallucinations, getting scared and upset like a little baby. I visit her daily to spend time with her and remind her that I am her daughter.

My Daughters’ Help

My youngest daughter is the only one still at home, as her older sisters are in college. She loves spending time with LaoLao.

“LaoLao is my favorite person,” she said, wanting to help care for Mom.

“Why?” I asked, since Mom could hardly make any conversation logically.

“LaoLao never criticizes me. She sings, she talks, she hugs me — she’s so cute,” she replied.

I’m glad she started spending Saturdays with me, the day I take care of Mom during the week so the caregiver can have a break. It’s a hard day for me, both physically and emotionally, so her company makes a difference.

Feeding Mom one meal can take up to an hour.

“Be patient,” my daughter reminded me when I got frustrated over spilled water.

“Mom, you take a nap. I’ll watch over LaoLao,” she said, hugging me when she saw my exhausted face.

Only with her help can I lift Mom into her wheelchair. We take walks outside to get fresh air.

“LaoLao, look, beautiful flowers!” she pointed out the bright followers growing by the roadside.

She sometimes sings for Mom.

Family and Love

“What will I do if I get dementia when I’m old?” I ask my daughters from time to time.

“Mom, you won’t get dementia. You’ll be like that 90-year-old yoga teacher on the news, strong and active,” my eldest daughter says, raising her arms to show strength.

Inspired by her, I began my journeys in yoga and taekwondo, and I constantly draw inspiration from her.

“Mom, I’ll cook for you,” my middle daughter says with a smile.

She’s the best cook. I’d love to move close to her when I get old.

“I’ll take care of you just like you take care of LaoLao. I’ll sing to you,” my youngest daughter says.

These words warm my heart. Of course, I don’t want to become a burden to my children. I aim to stay healthy and live an enjoyable life, for both Mom and my daughters. I don’t mean to ask them these questions repeatedly, but their comforting words always make me feel better.

In my book, Build Resilience, I shared many stories about Mom’s life and her dementia. One thing I didn’t get to mention is the help and inspiration from my daughters. Just as I learned resilience and optimism from Mom, I learned patience from them. Caring for elderly parents is tough, but my daughters have taught me to cherish the beautiful moments with loved ones.

In two days, we will celebrate Mom’s eighty-sixth birthday. It might be her last birthday on earth. She has become so weak and fragile that she no longer understands the meaning of a birthday. Thinking of this makes me upset because I am not ready to say goodbye to her yet.

What she has taught me and my daughters is invaluable. The values of perseverance, kindness, and hard work have been passed down to me, and through me, to my daughters. Mom’s final days are numbered, but her spirit will live on forever. She knows that she’s surrounded by loved ones. This is enough.

To Mom, happy birthday!

To my daughters, I’m so proud of you.

Building Resilience Through Taekwondo

This article was also published on Medium.com.

I never imagined myself joining Taekwondo. As a child, I wasn’t particularly sporty due to health issues. While other children ran and jumped with ease, I could only dream of keeping up. I even fantasized about competing in the Olympics, but it seemed like nothing more than a distant dream.

A few years ago, my 16-year-old daughter considered quitting Taekwondo, the sport she had dedicated herself to for five years.

“Do not quit,” I urged her. Despite her busy schedule as a junior in high school, she had been practicing Taekwondo since she was twelve. Over those five years, she not only attended classes twice a week as scheduled but also went above and beyond, assisting the instructors. She even invited me to join her, but I brushed it off, thinking it was a joke.

“Mom, will you join Taekwondo when I reach the black belt?” she asked me one day.

“Okay,” I nodded, not expecting her to remember my promise.

Two years later, she achieved her goal of earning her black belt. Our entire family celebrated her accomplishment.

That evening, she reminded me of my promise. “Mom, will you join Taekwondo?”

I was surprised that she remembered, but I had no choice but to keep my word.

And so, that’s how my Taekwondo journey began. Little did I know that it would change my life forever.

The Power of Consistency

It was the beginning of 2019, one year before the COVID-19 pandemic. I attended class twice a week, just like any other student, even though most of them were children aged five to seventeen. Starting from the beginning level as a white belt, I had to learn the basics — how to stand, sit, kick, punch, and even tie my belt.

At first, it was challenging. I struggled to do more than five sit-ups and push-ups, and my kicks barely reached waist level while others effortlessly reached their heads. I felt embarrassed at times, but I knew that wasn’t important. I decided to continue — not only because I understood the importance of challenging my body to build resilience, but also because I didn’t want to let my daughter down. If I started something, I was determined to see it through.

I earned my yellow belt after two months of practice, followed by the orange, green, and blue belts. Then, in March 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and all our classes moved online. Many students dropped out, but I chose to continue.

Fast forward to August 2023, and I took the promotion test for the black belt — and I passed! It was all because of consistent practice.

Habits

Humans are creatures of habit. We learn to brush our teeth, use floss, and wash our hands without even thinking about it. These are habits — natural, no-brainer actions that help us lead healthy and successful lives.

From Taekwondo, I learned the value of discipline and good habits. Twice a week, rain or shine, I went to the studio to practice, no matter how busy I was. Over time, I increased the frequency, and now I go five times a week from Monday to Friday. It has become part of my routine, and I no longer have to drag my feet to get there. I go to recharge, find joy, and connect with other students.

Building resilience starts with micro habits — one tiny step at a time.

Fun

Humans are also creatures of curiosity and playfulness. If there’s no fun, we can’t last long. Taekwondo is challenging — Tae means foot, Kwon means fists, Do means method. We learn eight forms before rising to the black belt, and it’s fun to progress to the next level.

I’m the oldest in the studio, or more accurately, the oldest female. One of the male masters is older than me; he’s already a black belt sixth dan. In the classroom, our master sometimes points to me and tells the class, “If you are slower than Lucy, then you need to do ten more push-ups.”

Everyone knows he’s joking, and I never get offended. I feel proud because I’m the benchmark of strength. It’s fun to watch the little kids getting stronger and taller, and it’s also fun to feel young. Since earning my black belt last year, I’ve been helping out as an assistant, and it’s fun to teach.

Everyone needs a coach, and I’m no exception. I get coached in Taekwondo, and I use the same principles to coach my clients in their careers and life areas. Taekwondo has become a part of my life, and building resilience starts with a good sport and a coach.

Unlock the Power of Speech

This article was also published on Medium.com.

By nature, I’m a talkative person and a storyteller who enjoys sharing her thoughts on a daily basis. However, coming to America paused my desire to tell stories because of the language barrier. Expressing my feelings and describing facts accurately required a conscious effort to search for the right words, which often left me feeling drained. At times, I refrained from speaking simply due to the uncertainty within me.

It was 1994, when I came to America for the first time and took an airplane ride for the first time.

That was the second year after I graduated from college in China.

Despite having studied English from middle school through college, I felt quite inadequate when I first arrived in this country. Certain words always seemed to blend together for me, such as “desert” and “dessert”, “soup” and “soap”, “monk” and “monkey”, “kitchen” and “chicken”. Imagine the embarrassment I encountered through the years.

Therefore, I muted myself most of the time, worrying about inconveniencing others or bringing misunderstanding.

I had kept silent at work because the presentation seemed daunting to me. I tried to avoid this realization and found excuses of not speaking up publicly — after all I was a technical person and relying on my engineering and quantitative skills was good enough.

Power of Speech

In 2009, four years after joining WF, my failure in presentations threw me to the lowest and darkest valley. I realized that my career had not advanced one bit even though I worked hard all of these years. I started searching for solutions. I passed promotion opportunities year after year.

One day, I saw a flier in the office for a Toastmasters club open house, during lunch time. I decided to check it out for pizza. I remember clearly — the club president delivered a speech about her struggles. She’s a woman from India. It’s her 10th speech. I was amazed. She did not look at her paper; she’s confident even with an accent; she could continue to eat her pizza right after her speech…If I were her, I would have probably choked due to nervousness.

I wish I could participate in the table topics discussion that day. But, I was scared. I blushed when they invited me to introduce myself. However, that day opened a door for me to see the possibility, growth, and potential. I started a journey, an unforgettable journey to speak up and raise my voice.

I was involved more in business meetings and projects discussions by sharing my ideas and suggestions. I raised my hand every day to lead myself, lead my team, and lead the business. I started getting recognized.

From 2012–2019, I earned four promotions at WF. I have become a vocal team member not only in my business line, but also the women’s leadership community and the Asian American community.

One Step at a Time

It has been fourteen years since I joined the toastmasters club. Over the years, there were times that I wanted to quit because of busy schedules at work and raising three children at home. However, I remember one of my mentors told me, “When there’s a need from the toastmasters, take it, jump right in and you won’t be disappointed…”

I made the goal to achieve the disguised toastmasters title (DTM) within seven years — that means I need to deliver a speech once every quarter including the leadership requirement. During the busy months, I pushed it, but picked it up once relaxed. In December 2015, I finally achieved the goal of DTM. I co-founded two new clubs and mentored two struggling clubs.

The secret sauce was taking one step at a time — one speech at a time. It means continuously to pursue excellence by practicing and learning from others.

Last night, I won the International Speech Contest championship at the Toastmasters Division level. I will advance to District 57 to compete on behalf of my Division in May. This achievement is not only for my personal award after fourteen years of effort invested in the toastmasters, but also represents a win for immigrants, for those who continue to work hard to improve and learn, and for those who overcome the culture and language barriers.

Toastmasters have become my platform to tell my story and practice my public speaking skills. I have learned to be patient with myself. I don’t need to become the best speaker in the world to deliver a speech. I don’t need to know everything to raise my hand to ask questions. I don’t need to present the best story to convince everyone in the room.

One step at a time. Persistently speak up. Because I believe in the power of speaking up.

Build a Community

One day, I visited the Union Bank in San Francisco Toastmasters club — the club I co founded in 2014. After delivering a speech, I received evaluations and one particular evaluation note jumped to my eyes. It says, “Lucy, thank you so much for your inspirational speech. As an immigrant, I always have self-doubt. Because of your speech, I will continue the toastmasters and improve my public speaking skills.” I was so touched by this evaluation and kept this note in my wallet for many years. I never knew my speech could have the power of encouraging others.

That day, I realized one more benefit of giving a speech other than improving my own public speaking skills. It’s empowering others and building a community.

Words have power. My speeches have power.

At work, I use my speeches to motivate others and share my visions with my team and colleagues. At school PTA events, my speeches represent parent’s voices. At Albany API-Parent Engagement Group events, my speeches encourage API families to bond with each other and find unity in the community. At Chief network where senior women leaders cultivate relationships and support each other, my speeches share my experiences and expertise in the area of risk management and coaching and mentoring.

I believe in the power of speech.

I believe everyone has the ability to speak up, using voice, pen, and paper. Everyone has the power within themselves to influence, inspire, and uplift themselves and others.

To the immigrant community, to women, you have the power to build a better community.

Lucy Chen,

Risk Management Executive, award Winning author, coach, and speaker. (Her book, Build Resilience: Live, Learn, and Lead is a call to all who want to reignite hope, confidence, and their own power in a world full of challenges.)